The ‘Private Performance’ series are an exercise in how a narrative and one’s word can carry a concept rather than witnessing the event yourself.
Below are the ongoing series of performances which may or may not have happened.
'Private Performance I (Failed Attempt)' 2021. In an attempt to bring forth a communal spirit in a socially distanced environment, I produced a 'quite very very very long' broom. The intention was to bring the broom to the streets on a Sunday morning and start sweeping the streets with volunteers to assist holding the awkward structure. However, due to the length of the broom, I am unable to get it out of the studio door and down the stairs. Despite lots of pivots my efforts were unsuccessful.
'Private Performance III' (2021). Each consecutive day at work, an additional lift is added to work boots. The performance stops until someone notices. Performance duration: 8 working days
'Private Performance II' (2021)
Over 5 separate occasions throughout the month of September, I take note of ideas I am excited about then compare that to the shame and regret the next morning of how terrible they were. The size of each dunce cap is a reflection of the scrapped idea's ambition.
'Private Performance IV (Squat Shorts)' (2022). . In order to compensate for not doing "proper" exercise for about 4 years, a pair of motivational shorts were devised to encourage daily movement. Through simple instructions of executing 10 air squats whenever the user feels the following:
- down - sad - depressed - fat - skinny - skinny fat - schlubby - stiff - sore - old - shameful - crying - naively optimistic - angry - bored - embarrassed. After 45 days of the performance, the major changes have been tighter muscles and the daily activity of crawling down the stairs first thing in the morning.
'Private Performance V (Present Parental Appliance)' (2022).
In order to explore the dynamics of a parent/child relationship concurrent with just being 'done' the following were deemed as side effects of said exploration:
- tiredness
- stress
- anxiety
- loneliness
- male pattern baldness (results may vary with mitigating factors)
- pain
- needing just 5 minutes
- creative drought
Through numerous audiences held between my daughter and I in order to build a compromise of combating the ill effects of a loving relationship and aiming to achieve a mug labelled 'Super Dad' or 'Dad of the Year' within the next 17 years, it resulted in 10 conclusions.
9 of these conclusions were variations of 'get a grip'.
This is result 10.
'Private Performance VII (Shoulder Chips)' (2023). Met with multiple struggles simultaneously throughout the month of June of increasing importance: 1. What to do with the aggressive bag of wonky potatoes plotting in the cupboard 2. Developing an idea related to the cyclical nature of tastes in culture, fashion, music, food, rocks, shades of off white etc 3. Desiring a nifty shoulder accessory Combatting the triple threat of bastards came through the tackling of the petty idiom of challenging someone to knock the chip off your shoulder. The handily placed butterfly pin allows the depicted not always desirable but inevitable chip (in 3 salivating sizes) to be pinned onto the shoulder lapel of your monthly favourite upper garment. With the starchy accessory equipped, I set off on a series of walks over a time period over 6 days totalling a tragically unfit 3 miles through the city centre prepared for the ultimate chip being knocked off by a passerby. With sheer luck, no knocking occurred except a thrilling stand off with a City Gull. (Note: the wonky potatoes did not come into physical fruition due to the passage of time and how it has taken claim to two-thirds of the kitchen as its domain. A landscape gardener has been consulted, awaiting quote).
'Private Performance VIII (Master of Puddles)'(2023). Ten days into the new year and already pining for the days of my youth in December 2023, so a throwback to that wondrous time. Upon a realisation of possessing the physical charisma of a disgraced sponge, I felt I needed a practical yet complimentary accessory. A talking piece which can divert attention away from the forgettable impression of self. Of course with the new accessory, it seemed absolute to tackle an increasing problem these days: plunder of puddles in your local neighbourhood. The intention was to soak up the bastards within the mile radius around the house but due to several storms and that the accessory isn't very waterproof to escalating rainfall and doom I had to go through 3 separate rolls without very much success. Pictured is the last roll before tackling a devious puddle in the back garden by the bins of which I ultimately conquered.
'Private Performance IX (Chest Warmer)' (2024).
After another collapse in physical integrity from another cold/flu/bastard, I felt that I had to take the means to keep myself protected. With the current climate, an extra layer would reduce me to a sweat soaked puddle so the only reasonable course would be to develop a dedicated chest warmer.
The finely sourced faux fur with some faux gold adds a sense of rugged dignity of which only a fireplace video can match. For the past two weeks, I have been wearing the chest warmer but fully aware of looking rather odd. I have been slowly phasing the appearance of the chest warmer so that it naturally doesn't cause a fissure in relationships. The deepening V in all my shirts took precedence each day until the warmer was fully exposed. As I suspected, no one seemed to take notice until a buzzard took aim and thus the performance had to go on hiatus.
'Private Performance X (Self-defense Brick)' (2024).
After a series of harrowing incidents involving recycling and irate amphibians, the need to protect myself hastened. Several years of not tending to my physical status other than thinking I'm hard by using my knuckles to open doors on occasion led to a softer approach to the pissed off. This inspired the artwork of carrying a craftily disguised brick as a well meaning Battenburg cake. The false marzipan friend is more than suitable to ward off any potential aggressors if required. The 25 days of travelling with my hefty tool led to a further understanding that people are either friendlier to you if you carry a cake or a painted brick at all times.